Take thirty seconds, for instance. that doesn’t seem very long, however, a lot can happen in thirty seconds: You can have a thought, act upon an intuition, say “please,” or “thank you,” even “will you marry me?”

All could lead to life-changing situations.

Now think about all the things you want to do, but often say, “I don’t have time.” Really? Think about it. What is time but a measurement of how we spend our moments in life. Some are pleasant, some are not. But we all have the same amount of seconds in a minute and minutes in an hour. It’s one measurement in which all people really ARE equal.

So, how do you spend your time? Do you use time to think? Perhaps, you spend time resting, playing, working, or simply enjoying life. All are worthy pursuits.

The trick to using time in a meaningful way is to realize you can do a lot with even thirty seconds of it. Just don’t waste it, because that’s one thing you can’t get back. When time is gone, it’s over and can’t be recovered. That’s the time you can never get back. Why not fill those seconds with doing something enjoyable or filled it with something memorable?

One last thought: Want to know how long thirty seconds feels? Try catching your finger in a door that won’t reopen. Then thirty seconds will seem like an eternity. I know because it happened to me.

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• Harry A. Hopf

It’s easy to tell someone to “have confidence in yourself.” It’s a lot harder explaining what that means, or how to get some.

Self-confidence is a quality that needs to be grown and exercised, much like a muscle. Here’s one way:

Everything begins with one step: the decision to do it. Then, set a goal, like a New Year’s resolution, only smaller, one you will actually stick to doing. Something small like brushing your teeth every morning and night, or making your bed every day.

After you’ve done that consistently for two weeks, set another goal, then do it. It doesn’t have to be a big goal, just something that you will stick to doing. Perhaps, washing dishes every night after dinner.

When you stick to your decisions, you begin to respect yourself. That is the beginning of gaining self-confidence. It seems like a small thing, like planting an acorn, and after a while, it will have big results.

By the time you set a third goal, you will notice the start of feeling good about yourself. Like accomplishing something. You are. You’re growing.

Once you get the hang of setting goals for yourself, branch out to other tasks. Things like telling someone you will do something. Then, do it. That’s called “setting a deadline.”

When you set deadlines, no matter for what reason, and do it by the deadline, you gain a reputation for being responsible. This kind of character-building increases your reputation in the eyes of other people.

After you have set and met a number of deadlines, you become known as a person of your word. That’s when you will begin to appreciate the steps you’ve taken to build your self-confidence. When you keep promises, especially ones you made to yourself, that is how your self-confidence grows. -pfhoward,rn

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“Never Give Up!” – Winston Churchill

…said when facing a dire war situation.

Another expression: “It’s always darkest, before the dawn”, could apply to many situations. Sometimes, it feels the absolute worst just before you make a breakthrough: your feelings, your situation, your hopes, dreams, expectations. It doesn’t matter what – the pattern is the same. News often carries the story of a tragedy. Then, you discover the accused had something happen to them just before they performed an awful act: fired, rejected, bullied, abandoned. The list goes on and on.

It begs the question: did they not have an emotional anchor to help them through their darkest moments…just before they reacted negatively? Where do you get such an anchor…and what is it, really?

Emotions, I believe, are similar to muscles. The more you use them, the more you shape them. The stronger they become:  either well-defined or bigger, stronger. The same with emotions. What you do with them shapes you: happier, sadder, able to cope, or ready to give up, give in, give over. And, in extreme cases, get even.

Emotions are infectious. One person’s emotional energy can change an atmosphere. Sometimes, it’s good, where a happy person can bring a smile to others. It seems to lighten their moods. Anger can darken the moods of others, and make them think dark thoughts, too. Constantly feeding your emotions thoughts of anger, rejection, or upset can make some people do dark things. But, if they had a way to control those thoughts, perhaps, they would think twice before committing erroneous behavior.

What is an emotional anchor, and how do you get one?

Well, what is sculpted muscle? It is a part of you that you work on, practice with, exercise over and over again. So, too, is an emotional anchor. It is the practice of deciding to do something, and practicing it over and over again. The anchor part comes with choosing a thought that makes it all worthwhile: love of someone or something.  It is a belief that makes Life all worthwhile. 

If you haven’t chosen a Reason to Live in your life, it’s never to late. It could be a person, a philosophy, a responsibility. It’s just important to have one. You get to chose whichever one you want. But, like a ticket to the movies, you need one to hold on to during the rough times in your life.

Believing there is an Intelligence that has shaped the Universe which has a personal interest in me is one I chose to believe. This has helped me through the Lessons of my Life. I chose to believe it. I have the right to do that. It has helped me through some very dark nights. But, mostly, I have had to learn to like myself, become a friend to myself, forgive myself for things in the past. There is nothing worse than not liking yourself. It’s the first thing you need to work on. Your entire body will know if you don’t. It will also react to that as very bad news.

Perhaps, one of the most important, is the urging: “Never give up!” Whether it means “don’t stop believing”, like a popular Journey song, or a special way of saying “have some faith”, it means continue on, even when it looks darkest. Even if you think you won’t “make it”, keep trying. You’re efforts are never in vain. When you “make it through”, you’ll be glad you never gave up.

There’s one more saying that comes to mind: “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.” Back to the muscle again: Practice what you want to happen…and it will. While, perhaps, simplistic, these sayings are born of truth….somebody’s, anyway. They have lasted over time because others have related to them. Proving they must contain some kernel of truth…if only to those who remembered them. These are some of the emotional “muscles” that have gotten us through Life.  And, you’re here, so good for you! You haven’t given up, and don’t…ever!

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The answer is: Just making a decision. When are you ready to cross over the line and say: “Okay, I’ve made a decision.” You may think it’s easy but just try it.

Decisions come in many sizes. It’s the little ones that give you the most trouble.

For years, I tried to decide about something. I took several paths before actually making it. Before I did, I thought about it long and hard and spent lots of money dancing around the moment before I finally could make that decision.

When I finally made it. I realized it could have been a lot easier if I hadn’t had so many options to choose from. That’s why a decision – on anything – is so tough. It’s because of having too many options from which to choose. (“Not my fault, it’s the options!“)

If you have the luxury of not having much to choose from, that is a blessing in disguise. You don’t have to weigh in, figure out, sort through, try and fail before you realize, the answer is usually in front of you all along. You just find it hard to pick the right one.

It’s the distractions along the way that grab your attention and make you work hard to figure something out.

I don’t really have a magic formula for getting to the final decision. Sometimes the only way to get there is to try all roads, walk all paths until you realize which one is right for you.

By that time, you may already be there – at the right decision. Then look back at all the ways you had to go to get there. Was it fun walking all those pathways? Rewarding? Painful? Expensive? You may never know if you could have avoided some of those negatives because you had to try all ways to find the right path for you. But when you do, you’ll know you made the right decision. Because you tried all the other ways and found those ways were not the answer.

So, when you finally make the right decision, you will recognize it by the way it feels. Kind of like you are finally “home.”

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Some people are brave all the time. Some people are afraid. Being afraid isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can actually save you from something because you hesitated for a time. And that can be really good.

Being afraid comes in degrees such as being a:  little afraid, afraid, very afraid.

Being a Little Afraid can be an uncertainty, not being sure whether you should do “this” or “that”.

Being Afraid can be can be Life Altering, not knowing if you should begin going down this road, that road, or no road at all.

Being Very Afraid can actually be paralyzing,  not being able to move either literally or figuratively. But it’s a very uncomfortable feeling.

There are also degrees of outcomes for all of them. When you are a Little Afraid, you can put it aside for awhile. Think about a decision, or put it on the back burner for awhile. When you are Afraid, you might stop what you are doing or where you are going and return to “safety”, a time, place or conversation where you feel safe and protected. But, when you are Very Afraid, it is time to talk to someone, get help in discussing or making a decision. Reaching out during a time of being Very Afraid is a safe way to get through a difficult time. Don’t try to “go it alone”. Seek someone to help you if only by listening to what is upsetting you.

Reaching out to someone when you are Very Afraid can sometimes save your life. It certainly will save you from a sleepless night or a wasted time in your life. We all need help at times. There is always someone who will care to listen to you. Don’t be afraid to find them!

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